I’m Still Here

She said to me over the phone. She wanted to see other people. I thought, “Well, look around, they’re everywhere”. Said that she was confused. I thought, “Darling, join the club”.

24 years old, mid-life crisis. Nowadays hits you, when you’re young.

I hung up, she called back. I hung up again, the process had already started. At least it happened quick. I swear I died, inside, that night.

My friend he called, I didn’t mention a thing. The last thing he said was, be sound, sound…

I contemplated in a awfull thing, I hate to admit. I just thought those would be such appropriate. Last words, but I’m still here, and small, so small…

How could this struggle seem so big? So big…

While the palm in the breeze still blow green. And the waves in the sea still absolute blue. But the horror. Every single thing I see is a reminder of her. Never thought I’d curse the day I met her. And since she’s gone and wouldn’t hear. Who would care? What good would that do? But I’m still here.

So I imagine in a month or 12. I’ll be somewhere having a drink. Laughing at a stupid joke. Or just another stupid thing. And I can see myself stopping short. Drifting out of the present. Sucked by the under tow and pulled out deep. And there I am, standing.

Wet grass and white headstones, all in rows. And in the distance, there’s one, off on its own. So I stop, kneel, my new home. And I picture a sober awakening.

A re-entry into this little bar scene. Sip my drink til the ice hits my lip. Order another round. And that’s it for now. Sorry. Never been too good at happy endings.

-Eddie Vedder-

This song is written by an extraordinary talented man named Eddie Vedder, dedicated to every single human who contemplate at awfull things, struggling for horror days, and never been too good at happy endings, but always keep standing.

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